6/7/26
It has been four years and a day since your passing. And I thought I healed enough from the gaping wound I received in my heart upon hearing the news of your overdose. But your name’s not Rue, first of all. You have, what I consider to be, a much prettier name, one that fits your embodiment during your time setting the earth ablaze with your uncontrollable inner fire, and dousing it, with your torrential moods. And secondly, this is not “Euphoria.”
Rue’s end was a window into your own transition into the next world, along with the transition of many others in America. And when I was forced to look into that window by social media, I discovered new things about your death. As I unpacked and unraveled at Rue’s passing on the show, I realized that your passing was not a gaping wound that I received in my heart when I was stabbed by the news of your death. It was more like an orthopedic condition which, as treated as it may be, suffers at the whims of the cold, wet, cloudy weather.
Rue Bennett died (to the tv audience) on May 31st, 2026 (the series finale). Six days before the fourth anniversary of your passing. Rue struggled with substance use disorder, among other mental health conditions, throughout much of her youth. Having succeeded at evading imminent danger, albeit with a painful gunshot wound to the shoulder, she found herself in a period of spiritual enlightenment or renewal. Rue died on her sponsor’s couch with an earbud in place, listening to an audio version of the Bible. She had taken a pill for her pain, which her murderer had given her. Unbeknownst to her, the pill she took was laced with fentanyl. In regard to the plot, presumably, he gave it to her after finding out she was a DEA informant.
Cue all of the social media discourse. All of these different voices became addiction experts. And it’s annoying because, who is an addiction expert? What are the criteria to qualify you as one and to make your demand to speak over others a valid one? And it’s annoying because we’re all, even me, speaking for those that left us because of this disease.
I was at one of the hospitals in downtown Chicago for a suspected foot fracture. I was sitting by the entrance, in the lobby, because the emergency room was packed with patients with all kinds of injuries, and homeless people walking in and out looking for some respite. A few hours earlier, I had showered in anticipation of the emergency room visit. While I sat in my apartment’s bathroom, I took note that the lights flickered three times, leaving me naked in the dark, and only slightly afraid. That morning you babysat our niece and nephew. You all enjoyed your day together. Everyone says you were happy and seemed sober. Nobody seemed to notice anything was off. Later that night, around the time I was bathing, your family had already put dinner on the table. Recently, you had been a finicky eater but, when you never came up for dinner from your makeshift bedroom in the basement, your parents went to check on you.
You were on your bed in your parents’ home, slumped over your laptop. Your laptop was still playing music. Your parents saw your three filled syringes, one of which you used. The coroner’s autopsy concluded that you died from an excessive amount of a sedative that veterinarians use on large animals. And as the fourth anniversary of your death came and went, we all watched Rue die from overdosing on a drug she didn’t even know she took.
The questions and criticisms and approval ensued from all of us impacted by SUD in one way or another.
Did Rue deserve to die halfway through the series finale while everyone else’s lives continued and their messes unraveled? I think we all agree, no, she did not.
Could Rue have had a more positive ending? Translation: Could our loved ones have had a more positive ending?
Was there any way to change the course they were already on? Perhaps. The same way there was always a chance our loved ones could not have died. We’ll never know or be able to imagine those endings because the struggles associated with SUD are complex.
Would an extremely positive ending, albeit highly-appealing, been even remotely realistic for this show?
Translation: Was it ever realistic to hope for more than what our loved ones received as their lot in life? The hopeless romantic in me would like to think there was always a slight chance. But, should’ve, could’ve, would’ve is what transpired instead.
Did Rue relapse? Translation: Did my “Rue” relapse or did something else occur? I certainly don’t believe fictional Rue took the pill with the intention of satiating that drive. I don’t agree with people who think so.
Who was to blame, out of all those recurring people in her life, for the circumstances of her final hours? Translation: I still think of your last choice in life and what or who was responsible for influencing you to make that decision. Could I have done something different to save you? Could someone else have done something different that would have saved you? Did they make you feel loved? Did I love you enough? Did you know it? Maybe, you didn’t know it and that’s why you left.
I leave my voice on this page and fill my head with yours. Until next time
From Cami 